Not a Victim

By Wes Annac, Openhearted Rebellion

Have you ever hit a point in life when you decided that enough is enough? That you can no longer settle for the circumstances you are in, and something needs to change?

I’ve hit that point a few times. The first was in 2018, when my mental health was falling apart due to relentless money problems that left us unable to pay our property tax. For years up to that point, I was working from home trying to find success on the internet. Toward the end of that year, it wasn’t going as well as it had before. So, I found myself a day job.

The next point was in 2020, when I realized my body – specifically, my digestive health – was falling apart. I had a stress-induced binge eating problem, and if I wanted any hope of feeling well again, I needed to start exercising and eating better.

In both instances, I acted and achieved results beyond what I thought possible. I found a supportive work family in my coworkers, and my fitness has taken on a life of its own.

Looking back, I’m glad I did something and I’m a little proud of myself for diving headfirst into all of it.

Now, however, I’m here again. I’m fed up and I feel like something must change. Money problems are rearing their ugly head despite that I work five days a week, and my mental health is suffering.

Easter is approaching, which is the holiday I lost a close relative with whom I had a complicated relationship. The stress and sadness of it all is just too much, and I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m having emotional outbursts, as I expected would happen this time of year, and I can feel a panic attack looming if things don’t get easier. This has been a hard week; I don’t expect it to get better.

If I can pull anything positive out of this bummer of a blog post, it’s that I’m motivated to tackle these money problems once again. Not because I’m greedy and want to live lavishly, but because we all deserve the necessities that help us to survive and thrive. When there are necessities you must suddenly go without because you can’t afford them, you can be crushed or motivated. I choose motivation.

Some days, I’m a little complacent about my writing. I think this complacency comes from a place of feeling like I could never make real money with this, so I might as well not bother. Perhaps it is a fear of failure that demotivates me from trying. Whatever it is, it needs to change.

I’m not asking for financial support – not yet at least. I’m simply proclaiming to the universe that enough is enough. My mental health is suffering this week, but I will not be a victim. I will let these money problems rouse me into action, because there is still hope for these blogs.

After a decade of writing with not much material success to show for it, I still believe I can make something of this. I might be 80 years old living in a shack with nothing but wifi and an old laptop, still convinced that it’s not too late. It is what it is. I must persevere, because writing is the only skill I’m even slightly good at and the only thing I enjoy besides working out and playing video games, neither of which pay the bills.

I was hoping to conclude this post with an upbeat message, but I’m too emotionally drained to write anything other than this: the human spirit can persevere through the hardest imaginable circumstances. I will be okay, and so will you. We just have to keep pushing, even if we’re tired. I see no other way to survive.

Featured image by Elias from Pixabay


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