Never Expected It

sacred-6372By Steve Beckow, Golden Age of Gaia

What I wanted to report today was that I now see the attraction of asceticism to the desert fathers.

I think it was all about coming to total stillness and silence. I don’t think they would have thought that, in that stillness and silence, the Self would be known. (1) I don’t think they thought in terms of the Self. I think they would have looked upon their asceticism as the perfection of their soul through detachment and the enduring of suffering and sacrifice for Christ’s sake.

Nevertheless I believe they were trying to achieve the very same silence and stillness that we aim to attain today.

Asceticism was their withdrawal from the distractions and noise of the world.

Remember that the vibrations are much higher today than they were in 300 AD. I believe that, through our spiritual practices, whatever they may be (as long as they’re sincere), we’re able to attain what would have been very difficult for them back then.

Whatever the case, in that stillness that the desert fathers sought, the “streamers” (messages, feelings) sent out by (radiating from) the Self can be better felt, known, and followed to their Source.

What I discovered was that the Self had always been there. It had always been emitting subtle signals. I just wasn’t trained to pick them up, didn’t pay attention to them, didn’t trip over one or two of them, and so on, until now.

One of the reasons we as a society don’t pick them up is that most of us have too much mental chatter or noise going on; (2) skittering from one voice to another, our attention becomes gross rather than subtle. The “streamers” of the Self, to borrow Matthew’s word, are too subtle for a rough mind to pick up.

Another reason is that we allow ourselves to get easily redirected, deflected, or distracted.  We don’t stay with one thing very long. We want more, better, and different.

A third reason is that we attach to lower-vibrational pastimes, practices, and products. Examples of this in feelings would be anger, hatred, resentment, jealousy, gossiping, etc.

I didn’t know that I’d arrive at the Self when I followed my dismay down into my heart at Xenia. I simply knew that being at the (retreat) center meant I had all the time in the world to get to the bottom of it and I set out to do that.

No one was with me. No one was asking for my attention so I went for it.

I was not on a spiritual quest. I was on a healing journey, for what I thought was a vasana (or core issue).

I expected to come upon the original incident below the vasana. I was floored when I came upon the Self itself.  Did I take a wrong … errr, right turn somewhere?

I may not have mentioned what it appeared like. I saw a lustrous, formless light at the end of the last ten feet of the tunnel I was following into the depths of my heart.  It was white with a very soft pink tint. (3)

It wasn’t what it looked like that mattered. It was the divine states that emanated from it – innocence, sweetness, and purity. These were consistent with the slight pink tinge to it. (4) What I felt was more important than what I saw. It was so angelic, I was mesmerized.

My Self was dismayed that I was not doing better. That distinctly had the flavor of my Mother’s words. I wouldn’t doubt that she was part of this.

I recall that my Mother had only to look at me with a dismayed or disappointed look – she didn’t need to say a word – and I would stop doing what I was doing and be a “good boy.” She was very subtle and gentle; Hindus would call her “sathwic.”

So I do see a resonance here. When I feel dismayed in the morning, I hear myself say, “Oh, well….” just as I would back then. And then I’d pick myself up and get back to work, resolving not to do that again.

I have no independent, self-generated reason for feeling dismay or saying those words (“Oh, well….”) these days. There’s nothing I’m doing – OK, nothing of any consequence – that I can think of. This response is not coming from any present consideration. It’s an historical leftover, residue, a vasana.

I’d say that was a pretty good way to get my attention – radiate dismay to my heart.  I begin to see the possible picture now. I’ll bet someone was using a vasana (dismay) to lure me on.

It’s a pretty good lure to get me to go inwards.  It led to a very different endpoint to any other journey inwards I’ve ever taken – say, in the process of sourcing or completing a vasana.

I’ve always said that the Self lies under our vasanas. This seems like a pretty convincing proof of that.

I don’t think I need to ask Michael if all this is so. My hunches about these things have usually proven correct in themselves or else are inspired by him or someone else.

What you’re hearing is me in a process of self-revelation or transparency. Many people believe it’s best to be private. I took a different tack decades ago. There is very little about me that’s private and those are simply the things that most people keep private.

I know myself by sharing the results of my awareness work, my explorations in consciousness.

Mine is a process of unfolding awareness, which leads to realization, which may include the opening of the heart but may also include visions and peak experiences.

Mine is a gradual path to Ascension, what the Mother called “another jump, and another jump, and another jump.” (5) All the “jumps” I’ve had over the years have been recorded on this blog.  We’ve walked together every step of the way.


(1) I call what I came upon the “Self”….  I honestly don’t know what to call it. It doesn’t come with a label. Shall I call it “My Higher Version (MHV)”?  It comes identified with and accompanied by the divine states and it’s that we’re very much aware of. Bliss, ecstacy, love, joy, gratitude.

I responded to the sight of it with awe. But I responded to its immaculateness (purity, innocence, and naturalness) – the divine states – with reverence.

(2) I strongly shy away from mundane conversations now. Engaging with them seems to mean abandoning this space and I no longer want to.

(3) You may recall that the small golden star in my vision – which is what I was looking at – was a bright gold.  I’ve no doubt that the formless Self can appear any way it wishes.  For more on this golden star, see “The Purpose of Life is Enlightenment – Ch. 13 – Epilogue,” at

(4) In our triflame, we are the pink flame; the Mother the blue; and the Father the gold.

(5) Divine Mother: You are embracing your multidimensional talents yourself. So in that way it is very abrupt. It is the feeling, “I am not the same person as I was yesterday.” You may not know how or why, but it is very clear and very line-in-the-sand.

Steve Beckow: But that is not Sahaja Samadhi, Mother, is it? When does Sahaja Samadhi occur?

DM: It occurs with a more gradual awakening and lifting up. So there is the abrupt “I am not the same,” then there is the working and the anchoring, the integration, then there is another jump, and another jump, and another jump. And you don’t know it — well, some of you do — but you are leap-frogging. And then you will be there.

SB: Now, are those jumps equivalent to sub-planes?

DM: You can think of them as sub-planes, dimensional sub-planes, yes. (“The Divine Mother: We are Creating a New Species of Humans,” channeled by Linda Dillon, July 10, 2014, at

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