The Reality We Must Accept Before We Can Improve Our Life

By Marquita Herald, Emotionally Resilient Living

Be honest. Have you ever gone on a strict diet or worked out like crazy just to fit into a particular outfit for a special occasion such as a wedding or school reunion?

How about this one … have you ever found yourself suddenly scrambling to clean your house when you learned visitors were coming?

You may be surprised to learn that both of these are examples of personal standards.

Standards are basically a set of unspoken rules we live by and are reflected in the way we treat ourselves and others, as well as the way in which we expect to be treated.

Most of us give little thought to our personal standards, but we all have them, and they determine the quality of virtually every aspect of our lives, from our profession to our appearance and relationships, to finances.

What this means is that no matter how tempting it may be to point the finger at others, fate, or bad luck for unsatisfactory conditions or relationships in our life, the reality we must accept is that these circumstances are a direct reflection of our personal standards.

Any time you sincerely want to make a change, the first thing you must do is to raise your standards. ~Anthony Robbins

Recognizing Your Standards

If we have the courage to be honest with ourselves it really doesn’t take much effort to interpret individual standards based on our behavior in different situations.

Revisiting the two examples from the beginning, the first says that the rest of the year what we are (or are not) doing in terms of fitness and nutrition is our acceptable standard, but that is no longer good enough when a situation arises where the opinion of other people is going to be involved.

The second and all-too-familiar example of scrambling to clean for visitors says that our acceptable standard for other people is higher than what we are willing to accept for ourselves and our family.

Here are a few more examples:

If you are habitually late, that means your standard is that it’s acceptable to be late.
If you routinely have a messy home, it’s because you have a standard that says a messy home is acceptable.
If you repeatedly fail to keep promises or finish things you start, you have a standard that says not fulfilling commitments is acceptable.
If you never miss your morning run or visit to the gym, that says you have high standards when it comes to prioritizing your health care.
On the other hand, if you never make time for your emotional and physical needs, then you have a standard that says ignoring your health and well-being is acceptable.

So where do these standards come from?

Our standards begin forming in early childhood with family, school, and peer relationships (fueled by our desire to fit in and not be thought of poorly by others) and eventually the media, collectively influencing the way we look, feel and spend our time.

Raising Your Standards

Is there an area of your life that you want to improve? Would you like to improve the quality of the time and attention you give your loved ones? Do you have bad habits, such as chronic procrastination that you’d like to finally rid yourself of once and for all? How about your financial situation?

Once you identify a behavior or area in your life that needs attention, the first step is to honestly evaluate where you are now, why you have accepted these limitations and clarify what you want to change.

For example, an area you may want to evaluate is your personal and professional boundaries. Boundaries are essential to healthy relationships, minimizing stress and having time for the things that really matter.

If this is an area that needs attention in your life, take some time to define your physical, emotional and spiritual limitations, determine which areas need attention, and then give yourself permission to begin gradually replacing unacceptable habits with new more powerful rituals.

Create Specific Measures for Improvement

Using the example of boundaries, let’s say you are a home-based entrepreneur and one of your biggest frustrations is that friends and family think nothing of stopping by to chat or drop off their kids assuming you’re available because you’re at home.

Keep in mind we teach people how to treat us. If you want others to treat you as a professional, you need to establish professional standards for yourself. One of the biggest mistakes I see work-at-home entrepreneurs make is failing to set – and communicate – office hours.

While few entrepreneurs I know actually work set hours, establishing “formal” hours of business will not only serve to establish boundaries for your availability to family and friends, but it will present a more professional image to customers.

You can still remain available to clients by simply establishing an “after hour meetings by appointment” policy.

What you put up with, you end up with. Raise the bar on your standards. Click To Tweet

Expect Some Push-Back

Be prepared; because other people wield an enormous influence on your standards and when you begin raising the bar on what you will accept in life you can expect a certain amount of push-back from those around you.

As with any habit, maintaining personal standards requires self-awareness and vigilance because it is human nature to want to be liked and accepted … and so first we tolerate and then we accommodate.

Ultimately, you are the only one who can determine where to set the bar for your personal standards but keep in mind that the people we surround ourselves with will contribute to either raising or lowering our standards.

You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success if found in your daily routine. ~John C. Maxwell

Rituals: The Power Behind Your Standards

The key to creating meaningful change, including raising your personal standards, is found in your daily rituals.

Rituals are where the real power is because it’s the little things we do day after day that create the small victories that build momentum.

In my next post, we’ll dig deeper into personal standards by taking a closer look at what rituals are, how they’re formed, and how you can use them to improve the quality of your life.

Let today be the day you give up who you’ve been for who you can become.

About Marquita Herald

Marquita is an author, resilience coach and the chief evangelist at Emotionally Resilient Living. She’s also an unapologetic workaholic who loves red wine, rock n’ roll, road trips (and car dancing!), peanut butter cookies and (especially) a dog named Lucy.