Stop Trying to Blend In: The Simple Secret to Being Yourself


By Priya Jain, Tiny Buddha, Thanks to Conscious Life News


“Be yourself—not your idea of what you think somebody else’s idea of yourself should be.” ~Henry David Thoreau

How many times have people told you to just be yourself? A million times perhaps.

How many times have you felt able to do this?

Until a few months ago, I thought this was frighteningly hollow advice, like “Don’t worry.” And I had no clue how to be myself. What does it even mean?

The Simple Secret to Being Yourself

My friend continuously tells me that being yourself means doing things you want to do and not caring about what others think.

I disagree with that definition. It makes “being yourself” too simplistic. I learned what it really means to be yourself after an eye opening incident.

I always thought parties signified fun, but no matter how much I tried to enjoy them, I couldn’t. I hated the entire process of getting ready, going, dancing, eating, and coming back. I would have preferred to read a book or visit a monument any day.

For years, I thought I didn’t know how to have fun.

But I have fun when I read or visit monuments, the same way people have fun when they go to parties.

I struggled to accept that, because this required me to accept that I didn’t have fun in the conventional sense. It meant accepting that my idea of fun might be boring to many people.

Being yourself means having the courage to accept yourself. It means having the courage to understand that you are a particular set of characteristic and no matter what you do, there will be a few things that will never be you.

It’s hard to do this because you have to accept that you’re different from other people. But that difference doesn’t have to depress you or define you.

You cannot be everything. You don’t have to be everything.

You simply have to be you. And that is enough.

3 Steps to Being Yourself

There are no rules to being you because being yourself is (and has to be) different for everyone. I humbly offer a few guidelines that will help.

1. Get to know yourself.

In order to be yourself, you first need to find out who you really are. Are you a party person or not? Do you like starting things or ending them? Do you take small steps or huge steps?

This involves a lot of soul searching. I did this by asking myself a lot of questions on many different topics.

This is the only way you will ever get to know who you are.

Some questions to consider:

  • Am I an early riser or a night owl?
  • Am I comfortable being part of a large group or do I prefer to have a few close friends?
  • Am I an introvert or an extrovert?
  • Do I thrive on adventure or like to keep things low-key?
  • Do I prefer change or consistency?
  • Do I like to jump right in or take things slowly?
  • Do I embrace rules or rebel against them?
  • What makes me unique?
  • How do I want people to remember me when I’m gone?
  • What do I value most in life?
  • What do I like to do with my free time?
  • What makes me excited? Does that make me happy too?
  • Do I value things more than experiences, or vice versa?
  • How do I define success in life?
  • What would I do if money were no object?


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