By Alphan Maina, Wisdom Pills

It is the province of knowledge to speak, and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes Click To Tweet

Listening is becoming a lost art. Easily one of the most  (if not the most) important communication skills anyone can have, most of us have become noticeably worse at it since our smart phones got so much better at it.

Not that we were all that skilled at it to begin with, but over the last decade or so, the general distraction factor of the populace as a whole has gotten, well, very distracting. So much so that it’s become a frequent topic of conversation — if only people were actually listening to us… 

But I digress.

The problem, you see, is built right into the word itself:

‘Listen’ is composed of the same letters as ‘Silent’. Click To Tweet

And it’s this inability to actually remain totally (internally) silent that is unfortunately lacking in most people. How many times have you engaged someone in a serious conversation only to realize that they were ‘hearing’ but not actually listening? If you yourself are a good listener (and hence a good communicator) you’ve probably experienced this. You possess the ability to differentiate between two.

To break it down, ‘hearing’ happens by default when the eardrum perceives any sound. ‘Listening’, on the other hand, is mindful, purposeful, and when perfected, done without value judgments attached. This is deep listening. It is a powerful and selfless form of listening that involves being holistically present in a conversation. And by ‘holistically’ I mean putting your judgmental coat aside, silencing the inner noise in your head, remaining open-minded, and catching the underlying stream of consciousness that is dictating the words being spoken.

While bad listeners are often barely able to comprehend what is being said even as it’s taking place, the other end of the spectrum finds deep listeners possessing the ability to clear their minds of clutter and be fully present. Thus they are often able to remember details of a conversation some time later.

“Do your best to practice compassionate listening. Do not listen for the sole purpose of judging, criticizing or analyzing. Listening only to help the other person express himself, but also find some relief from his suffering.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

The main culprit here is distraction. Modern culture is very distracting, and it has created a populace of distracted people. Physically, most of us are present, but our attention is often off in Buenos Aires. With this in mind, here are 7 techniques you can use to gradually nurture the art of deep listening.

1) Mindfulness

As mentioned earlier, it’s quite a common condition in our society to be physically present, but with a mind that is anything but. Being mindfully present entails being aware of your thoughts, emotions and environment simultaneously. To be mindfully present in a conversation, one brings this level of awareness to the person speaking.

Of course, it is a practice, and it takes time, just like the development of any skill. But you’ll know you’re getting it when the words and sentences begin becoming secondary to the flow of consciousness that is creating them. Thus, a continued and devoted practice may eventually bring you to a place of understanding the speaker on a number of levels, the strongest being an empathetic one. This is the space where the fruits of deep listening come to ripen, leading to deep comprehension.

“The reality of the other person lies not in what He reveals to you but in what He cannot reveal to you. Therefore, if you would understand Him, listen not to what He says but rather to what He does not say.” ~ Kahlil Gibran

2) Meditation

There is power in setting aside a few minutes of your time, daily, to de-clutter your mind. Learning how to come back to yourself, alone, will enhance your ability to bring your presence more fully to another in day to day life as well. It will also greatly enhance your powers of concentration, which are integral to proper deep listening.

3) Being Empathetic and Showing Interest

Something as simple as a slight nod to a speaker gives the affirmation that you are concentrating and interested in their talk. So too does maintaining eye contact and showing genuine interest. This is empathy, and it is the result of the first two points on this list. When people see that you are really listening, they will open up in ways they may not have before, becoming more impassioned, fluent and better versed. They will also become better listeners themselves. This is what happens when you have a rapt audience.

Read the rest here: http://www.wisdompills.com/2016/11/19/cultivating-power-mindful-listening/