Why I’m Grateful to the Jerks in My Life

By Marquita Herald, Emotionally Resilient Living

September 21st is World Gratitude Day and as thankful as I am for friends, family, good health, my new home, red wine, peanut butter cookies and (especially) my dog Lucy, today I’d like to take a moment to express gratitude to an often overlooked and undervalued group – the jerks in my life.

We all have them. Most pass through our lives leaving only memories and a few bruises behind, while others linger on, possibly to teach us the virtues of creating healthy boundaries, but that’s another story.

Manipulative, arrogant, annoying, clinging and hurtful as they can be at times, these people also have a way of gifting us with some of our most valuable lessons.

I am grateful to the jerks my life for they have shown me exactly who I do not want to be. Click To Tweet

Many of the lessons are pretty basic. If it sounds too good to be true it probably is, don’t let people walk all over you, have some self-respect and chances are you’ll be okay.

The more advanced lessons include a personal favorite of mine; I am not responsible for another person’s attitude, perceptions or behavior, I am only responsible for my own.

The challenge with these lessons is that we rarely become fully aware of them until later, sometimes years later.

So in honor of World Gratitude Day I’d like to take this opportunity to express my thanks for a few of the lessons I’ve learned from the difficult people that have touched my life through the years.

To the Jerks I’ve Known

To the critics and naysayers, for teaching me that I don’t need the approval of others to pursue my dreams, thank you.

To the relative, who couldn’t tell the truth if her life depended on it, for teaching me that you can love someone and still not allow them to be a part of your life, thank you.

To the hapless souls, who suffered one misfortune after another, for teaching me that you can’t help a person unless they want to help themselves, thank you.

To the teacher, who rode the fine line of jerkdom, for ruthlessly pushing me to become better because he saw more potential in me than I saw in myself, thank you.

To the former colleague who taught me to treat someone with kindness and respect because that’s who I am, not because I expect that they will be kind and respectful to me in return, thank you.

To the worst boss I’ve ever known, for inspiring me to trust my own instincts, quit a job I hated, and begin writing full-time, thank you.

To the ex-husband, who pushed my buttons so many times and in so many ways, I finally discovered I have limits, thank you.

To the neighbor, who I mistook for a jerk, for teaching me the importance of giving people the benefit of the doubt, because sometimes what we take as jerk-like behavior comes from personal pain and has nothing to do with us at all, thank you.

To the mean jerks, who taught me a lesson in humility each time my response to their behavior caused me to lose control of my emotions, thank you.

And last but not least,

To my dear friend, who gently opened my eyes to the fact that some days, I am the jerk in someone else’s life, thank you.

I’m thankful for every break in my heart, I’m grateful for every scar, some pages turned, some bridges burned, but there were lessons learned. ~Nisban Panwar

When you really think about it, the most important lesson we can learn from the jerks in our life may be that our problem isn’t with them at all, but how we respond to their behavior.

If we can accept that not everyone will have our values, then we can learn to get past the need to judge, condemn or change the difficult people in our life and free ourselves to look for the lessons they offer.

Of course, sometimes that lesson is hidden … DEEPLY hidden. But when you uncover it, well my friend, then you’ve found a real treasure!

What’s your story? Can you think of any important life lessons you’ve learned from difficult people in your life? If so, please consider sharing in a comment below.

Let today be the day you give up who you’ve been for who you can become.

About Marquita Herald

Marquita is an author, resilience coach and the chief evangelist at Emotionally Resilient Living. She’s also an unapologetic workaholic who loves red wine, rock n’ roll, road trips (and car dancing!), peanut butter cookies and (especially) a dog named Lucy.