By Alexandra Jane Wynne, Earth We Are One
It isn’t always easy to love ourselves. It isn’t always easy to love others. It isn’t always easy to love the world that surrounds us. Love and Hate are opposite sides of the same coin. It seems we can’t have one without the other.
Moving in and out of love and hate seems to be all apart of the cycle of growth. I experience a greater struggle when I am in the vibration of hate. I am longing to be in a space of love. Looking at other people’s lives, the pretty picture they show to me and asking myself why doesn’t my life look like that perfect dream?
Where did the idea of the “picturesque life” even come from and w
hat does that actually look like. I feel I have had a warped idea of what my life should be and thus rejected the one I am in.
Many a time I am “trying” to be in a place I am not…That famous saying “the grass is always greener on the other side”. This causes disease in my reality as I am not embracing my life as it is. I am “trying” to escape from the present moment and thus I rip myself apart.
Torn sensations flood my reality and I associate this with discomfort. New learning’s of presence however are teaching me to feel every sensation for what it is, face and embrace it. It is all a looping cycle and the more I relax into my being the easier it is becoming to stop chasing and enjoy the ride.
Why do we pretend then that we have the most incredible existence full of happiness, love and joy all the time? Glamour Photos online of the thrills of travels and the wonders we are sharing with beautiful smiling vibrant faces. It is just not realistic to stay in this vibration consistently and it becomes draining and tiring forcing it when it isn’t the truth. The other-side to life is that we are thrown challenges, emotionally, physically mentally for us to grow. When we climb a mountain, aiming towards the top the road becomes steep and we must endure the elements of nature whilst finding strength in all aspects of our being to motivate, inspire and pursue our dreams.
We reach the top, we sit gaze out at the absolute magnificence, rapture in our achievement of success. Then we see another mountain, a higher point to strive for on the other side of the valley. That little voice creeps in…. “ I bet the view would be better over there”
Thus life goes on as we weave up and down, in and out, growing in experience as we gain new skills and insights. Knowing these patterns of our psyche can assist in the surrender, knowing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel when the darkness consumes us. A light bulb will switch on from that space of nothingness because that is what keeps us swimming through this experience.
Love and Hate could also be termed the light and the shadow. We often reject the shadow and pretend it does not exist. We push it into the corner and reject it. The rubbish pile only grows when we don’t face that which makes us run. There is an underlining anxiety in our existence which manifests that plays out in the way we live our day to day.
Addiction manifests in all ways as we try desperately to release this fear. For a long time I believed this anxiety was something I had to release or purge from my body, Intensive amounts of exercise in all forms to rid myself of this constant state of fear. It was only a quick fix and my body still pumped even more fiercely with adrenaline impacting my relationships with all things in this world. I did not feel a sense of stability and ease, the one thing I was truly trying to attain. I was looking in the wrong places.
I admit I have been running for much of my life. Yes it has taken me to some amazing places in the world and states of consciousness in my being only to realise that I crave contentment. Thus a quest commenced inwards into my subconscious realms, turning up to the things that have haunted me forever. The parts of myself I believe no one could love, the thoughts that tell me I am unworthy of love, fears of rejection and abandonment. They are only fears though and a question I began to ask is “Is this the actual reality of the moment”.
The answer was always no. This allowed me to tune into exactly what I was experiencing in the moment. It brought me back to the present. When I listened to my thoughts, the stories that constantly loop and felt my emotional response rather then “trying” to distract myself I began to feel empowerment that I could hold myself, be witness to all and stay present, relaxed and calm. Emotions began rushing from deep places I never knew existed. Old wounds surfaced and I remained. Voices of love whispered in my ears as well, “I am here for you and I always will be”.
This is something no one could ever take away from me, because it was coming all from me. My dependency turned inwards to myself rather then relying of the externals to feed my insecurities. Shadows have grown larger but they shine light on my beauty. There is another old saying the world will only give you so much as you can handle. I have learned to embrace my shadows with gratitude for the insight and self-awareness. The gratitude is blessing me with happiness as I realise the support that is always available to me when I find the courage to ask for help.
I am here to experience this human of mine in all its colours and shades of black, grey and white. It is a remarkable journey being at times detached from the existence this human is leading. I can watch it from afar and marvel in its unique expression as it plays dances, cries and even throws tantrums. Removing myself from what I think I am, getting wound up in the perceptions and illusions of my mind and transforming into an observer of the expression of life brings me peace. I can really witness the beauty of all things through loving eyes and amazement even when t
hings become challenging or I experience doubts and judgements within myself. Unleashing the shadow without inhibition has given me a middle road to walk down. I can see both sides and have one foot in either world. This to me is balance
There are many aspects and sides to me. They awaken at different stages in my cycle. Embracing myself in a state of awe and innocent intrigue allows me to look upon myself through the eyes of love. I am all the things and all the things are of me.
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Openhearted Rebellion 
