By Marquita Herald, Emotionally Resilient Living, October 11, 2015

Imagine that it’s finally happening; you’ve worked hard and you have a shot at your dream job. You made it through the first two interviews and it’s down to the final three candidates.

The problem is now that the opportunity is so close at hand you’re suddenly plagued with doubts. Are you really capable and smart enough to do the job and live up to the expectations that go with it? So many people will be counting on you, including your own family, and from what you’ve heard the other two candidates have a lot more experience … so why are they even considering you anyway?

As if the self-defeating questions aren’t bad enough, you’ve begun experiencing mental reruns of every mistake you have ever made, which immediately adds to the stress and doubts about your abilities. What if you really can’t do the job? How can you possibly walk into that interview as calm and assured as you need to be? Maybe you’re not as ready for this as you thought you were and it would be better to just make an excuse and cancel and avoid the embarrassment.

Negative emotional energy has a way of stacking up and overriding all logic if not brought into balance. But learn to use your inner strength to master your emotions and you will discover a power you never realized you had. ~Dr. Bradley Nelson

There are countless examples we could substitute for the job interview scenario; the point is that even under the best of circumstances our emotions can get away from us and overrule reality and all logical thinking.

But what if it were possible to regain focus and change our emotional state like a switch connected to a light bulb so that we could dissolve the fear and doubts and replace the negative emotions with confidence? How would it change things in your own life if you could dismiss stress, frustration and fear of failure and center yourself by tapping into your own inner strength?

Sounds pretty darn good, but what exactly IS inner strength and how does it work? More importantly, how do we learn to control it in a way that we can tap into it when we need it most?

Despite the fact there is no standard definition of inner strength and surprisingly little has been written about how to develop it, we definitely like the idea of it because if you do a quick search online you’ll come up with around three million hits referencing the concept.

Following are a few phrases typically used to define inner strength.

• Confidence and power from inside.
• Resoluteness of will.
• Integrity of character.
• Able to withstand pressure.
• To rise above fear.
• Internal energy to move one toward a purposeful life.

Typical advice on how to build inner strength includes such tactics as think positive, keep track of your successes, and recite daily affirmations to remain calm, stay active, lean on family and friends and never give up.

While there’s no question that each of these is a worthwhile activity the missing element is a focused strategy designed to help you cultivate this highly desirable characteristic.

Why doesn’t constant trampling defeat the dandelion? The key to its strength is its long and sturdy root, which extends deep into the earth. The same principle applies to people. The true victors in life are those who, enduring repeated challenges and setbacks, create such deep rooted inner strength that nothing can shake them. ~Daisaku Ikeda

The 3 Essential Keys to Unleash Your Inner Strength

One reason for the illusive nature of inner strength is that it is not a habit to be formed or skill to be learned but rather a capacity to be developed. Your capacity for inner strength can be increased over time – like building a muscle – by cultivating a balance between rational and emotional characteristics, specifically the following 3 essential behaviors.

• Meaning: Developing self-awareness and a clear sense of meaning in life.
• Accountability: Taking full responsibility for your choices and behaviors
• Emotional Mastery: Learning to understand and manage your emotions.

Of these three behaviors there is a tendency to find emotional mastery to be the most intimidating, but let’s take a closer look at how these essential keys work together to not only build your capacity for inner strength but enable you to tap into its power when you need it most.

Meaning

All personal development is based on self awareness and achieving sustainable change and growth requires exploring the motivation behind the choices you make every day and this is where “meaning” comes in.

Meaning represents your interpretation of your beliefs and experiences, your core mindset if you will, and it affects your view of the world. In other words, meaning is the “why” behind everything thing you do – or don’t do – in life. The critical point is that you are the one who finds meaning in life; no one else can do that for you.

Fortunately you also have the power to change your interpretation to create a more desirable meaning. So for example if your belief about change is that it’s a bad thing, then change is going to be a struggle, particularly if it’s thrust upon you; but it is within your power to alter your interpretation to see change as an opportunity for growth. When we’re able to grasp the full potential of this ability it is very empowering and that’s why it’s an essential element of inner strength.

Accountability

The notion of taking full responsibility for one’s own life circumstances may be tough for some people to accept. After all it does somewhat bump up against the reality that there are things that we have no control over.

Nevertheless, the fact remains that we do have control over our own choices and behavior and that includes the way in which we respond to life in general and adversity in particular.

Admittedly choosing not to take responsibility involves fewer unknowns, and it’s certainly more comfortable. The problem is there is always a price to pay for relinquishing your power. Not taking responsibility for your life is by default accepting the victim card and choosing to remain powerless, which inevitably results in issues of low self-esteem, and lack of self-trust.

In the end both choices take pretty much the same amount of energy but the rewards for taking personal responsibility include the ability to adapt to challenging situations, increased confidence and self-esteem, along with a sense of autonomy (control) over the quality and direction of your life.

Emotional Mastery

As illustrated in the example I used at the beginning of this article, our emotions have the ability to overrule reality and even the most logical mind. It really comes down to either you are going to rule your emotions or your emotions will rule you. When you do the work to identify your emotional triggers and the coping strategies that work best for you it enables you to roll with the punches and adapt to stressful circumstances. And when you can deal with minor irritations and unexpected detours in this way, you can also manage more serious forms of adversity with greater ease, which is just one way in which inner strength benefits you in daily life as well as when faced with the rare crisis event.

Sometimes the strength within you is not a big fiery flame for all to see it is just a tiny spark that whispers ever so softly. ‘You got this. Just keep going.’ ~Author Unknown

Building your capacity for inner strength is not difficult, especially when you have a clear plan to follow. If you’re interested in learning more about how you can unleash your inner strength I’d like to encourage you to consider taking advantage of my new E-Course 3 Essential Skills to Unleash Inner Strength.

Let today be the day you give up who you’ve been for who you can become.

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Everything about Emotionally Resilient Living is focused on the core mission of cultivating inner strength and learning to find the opportunities for growth in all of your experiences! To learn more about ERL please visit the “About ERL” page, and if you’re curious about me you might like to read My Story.